Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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