hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
