Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
