he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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