Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize