I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
