You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize