Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
