If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
