Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
