i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
