He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
