Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
