There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
