i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reggie can tackle my bush.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
