hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
