i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
