You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
