He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize