You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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