pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
