my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
