my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
