Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
