This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
