Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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