Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
