Betty ford says i'm here all night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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