yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
