But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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