theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?