i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?