you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dating After Heartbreak
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif