Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My vagina is officially offended.