and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..