I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem