I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
