i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
