so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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