Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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