What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Where is the hickey?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
