I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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