naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I had to cum in my sink.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
