Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
