Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
