I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
