I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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