he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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