he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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