2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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