Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
