Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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