onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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