i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
