Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
