Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
