Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize