I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
