I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize