420 ftw
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
