Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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