Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
