i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
