This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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