I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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