So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
