My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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