Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
