Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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