I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
