So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
