omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
