the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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