yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
