Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Randomize
