a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize