Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
