I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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