i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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