i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
