It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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