whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
