He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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