she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
