I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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