LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
