this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
