Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
