Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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