I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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