life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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