He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
