Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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